Morning Star

Chapter 373 Can You... Let Myself Go

Thinking of this, he sighed.

How could he spend such an important day with others? He must be somewhere.

and many more!

Today is such an important day... Not only is it his birthday, but it's also...

Thinking of something, she raised her head and turned to ask Shi Yuan who was following behind her: "Shi Yuan, where is the Zongtang?"

She hasn't been to the ancestral hall yet.

Shi Yuan was stunned for a moment: "I will take you there."

"No, just tell me how to get there."

"……it is good."

……

The main door of the ancestral hall was tightly closed, and there was no one guarding outside. Chujiu gently pushed the door open, and when he looked up, he met a pair of eyes that were slightly narrowed due to the sudden light.

The boy was kneeling on the ground in plain white clothes, with his long black hair spread on the ground along his back. The ends of his hair were tied together with a plain white hairband.

Looking in the direction he was facing, he saw two spirit tablets with inscriptions on them on the stage.

I wanted to get angry at him, but when I saw the emotions in his eyes, all the words were choked in my throat.

Beneath those calm eyes there was an unconcealable emptiness and sadness, as if he had experienced a lot of vicissitudes.

Such a pair of eyes should not appear on an eighteen-year-old boy. It is obviously not appropriate at all, but it seems to be the case.

There was silence for a long time. When he came to his senses, he lowered his head again, as if he didn't see her coming.

Chujiu's dry lips trembled slightly, but he was speechless and finally lowered his eyes.

She closed the door and quietly walked to his side, kneeling on the ground like him.

He didn't speak, and neither did she.

Today's snow is heavier than ever, flying in the air like goose feathers. Time passes in the snow as usual, but it feels like a long time has passed.

Kneeling for a long time without being able to get up is the most unbearable thing, not to mention that Chujiu has never kneeled for so long before, and even since he was a child, he has only kneeled a few times.

Less than two quarters of an hour had passed and my legs were already numb, and I could no longer feel the tingling pain in my knees.

Kneeling for too long will not only cause pain in your knees, but your whole body will also feel uncomfortable.

His eyes swept to Mo Xinglan beside him, he was still motionless, like a statue.

She couldn't help but sigh inwardly. She felt uncomfortable all over after kneeling for such a short time, and he looked fine after kneeling for most of the day, so how could she dare to move?

Just stand there stiffly and don't move.

"take a break."

Finally, Mo Xinglan broke the long silence.

The cold voice is a little hoarse, but it gives people a different kind of charm.

Chujiu's body trembled, and he remained motionless stubbornly, and replied with one word in a European style: "No."

After that, there was another long silence.

Mo Xinglan discovered it. If he didn't get up, she wouldn't get up either.

He sighed, looked up at the spirit tablet, slowly stood up with the help of the ground, then bent down and reached out to pull her.

"Get up."

Only then did she stand up.

But as soon as she moved her legs, her knees not only hurt, but her legs also went numb. She took a deep breath and fell to the ground with her center of gravity unsteady.

Fortunately, Mo Xinglan used some force to hold her back so that she was spared from close contact with the ground.

He had no choice but to help her sit on the ground, and he knelt beside her.

Every time she moved her legs, she could hear a gasp coming from her mouth. It looked like it really hurt.

He gently placed one of her legs on his own and gave her a gentle massage with his hands.

"Hiss—don't, don't move, I beg you!"

After rubbing Chujiu for a while, he couldn't hold back and screamed out.

Mo Xinglan raised his hands in panic, not daring to touch her again.

Chujiu let out a long sigh, placed his hands on the ground, and looked at the two spirit tablets in silence.

Suddenly a hoarse voice sounded in my ears.

"sorry."

Hearing this, her eyelashes trembled slightly and she looked at him doubtfully.

But he looked like a child who had done something wrong, with his head hanging helplessly.

He sighed and said, "Have you ever... spent your day like this before?"

She remembered seeing him and his mother kneeling in front of his father's spirit tablet once in a dream.

That day seemed to be his birthday, and that night his mother also...

She had never thought deeply about why he and his mother knelt in front of his father's spirit tablet that night, but now she understood after thinking about it.

Apart from the memories of his past in her dreams, she had no idea what he had experienced.

I have been asking this question for a while, but he has been keeping his eyes down and not saying anything. It seems that this is correct.

He glanced sideways at the spirit tablet again, staying on Bai Yueer's spirit tablet for a long time.

You clearly love him so much, why do you treat him so cruelly? You want hatred to penetrate his bones and make him live for hatred. You want him to be willing to pay any price for revenge, even against himself.

Is this what you want to see? To make him not live like a...

But at the succession ceremony that day, you were clearly so reluctant to leave.

If you are reluctant and if you love him so much, why do you let him become like this?

She thought of something and looked back at him, her lips trembling slightly and her tone serious and gentle.

"Xingxing, if I die one day, I don't want to..."

"You won't die! You can't die! You can't die!" His body trembled violently, as if a bomb was suddenly ignited. He held her shoulders tightly with both hands, his face was pale and ferocious, his eyes were bloodshot, and his tone was commanding and fierce, and sometimes fearful.

"!"

She was startled by his sudden change and didn't know what to say for a moment.

Mo Xinglan held her in his arms with trembling body, hugging her tightly as if he wanted to melt her into his body.

The trembling voice was filled with stubbornness and extremism.

"I won't let you die. No one can let you die, not even you. You are mine, and mine alone. You are not allowed to die, and you are not allowed to leave me alone. I won't allow you to leave."

Chujiu's bones ached from being hugged by him, her eyebrows were tightly knitted and her face was distorted: "I won't die, I won't leave you, I won't leave you alone. You, you loosen up a little. You're hurting me!"

His body stiffened and he slowly let go of her, only then realizing what he had just done.

"I'm sorry, I..." His eyes were filled with caution and apology, "Did I...scare you?"

Chujiu sighed, stretched out her hand and rubbed his hair like he rubbed her hair, and smiled softly: "How can you scare me when you are so beautiful?"

What could she do to him? He didn't do it on purpose.

Mo Xinglan looked up at the hand that was touching his head, feeling a little awkward. He grabbed the hand and said, "That's not what I meant."

"So?" Chujiu tilted his head and his eyes softened. "You scared me, how are you going to make it up to me?"

"I..." He stood there for a moment, not knowing how to answer.

She sighed, stepped out of his arms, and knelt on the ground. She looked up at the spirit tablet and said, "I just want to say that if it were me, I wouldn't want to see you like this."

"I...like this?" he repeated blankly.

How is he?

He has always come this way.

Isn't it right?

Chujiu nodded: "I don't want you to live just because of hatred. I want you to live for yourself."

"..."

Mo Xinglan's lips trembled slightly but he said nothing. He looked up at the spirit tablet with a hint of self-mockery at the corners of his lips.

Live for himself? How should he live for himself?

Seeing that he didn't speak for a long time, Chujiu slowly lowered his eyes, opened his lips but didn't say anything.

How could a knot in her heart that had lasted for more than ten years be resolved with just a few words from her? It still took time.

He sighed in defeat, "So what are you going to do for the rest of the day? Keep kneeling?"

Following her words, Mo Xinglan looked up at the spirit tablet on the platform, and after a moment he replied, "Today is the anniversary of my parents' death."

This is how the day went on as long as I can remember.

"But today is also your...your birthday."

He was stubborn, and she became stubborn too, looking at him unwillingly: "Xingxing, the world is big, there are many people, people die and are born every day, you are just, just..."

Just the unlucky one?

She paused for a moment, then reached out and gently pulled his hand, frowning worriedly: "Xingxing, you are just like everyone else, you are made of flesh and blood, and you can live like ordinary people. You don't have to force yourself to do this. Can you...can you...let yourself go?"

After hearing her words, he looked a little dazed, his pale lips trembled, but then he pursed them into a straight line.

Can he be like others? Can he let himself go?

After a long while, he gently pushed away her hand that was holding him, lowered his head and seemed to be unable to speak: "Sorry."

He is always different from others. He has no right to talk about letting himself go until his revenge is paid.

Chujiu looked at his empty hands and felt empty in his heart.

He lowered his eyes for a long time before speaking again: "I know."

There was a hint of disappointment in his tone.

I was too anxious after all. It's okay, take your time, everything will be alright.

she said to herself.

Mo Xinglan knelt down again, and Chujiu would naturally accompany him.

During this time, Mo Xinglan reminded her to rest, but she neither answered him nor listened to him.

It was not until Chujiu felt a little dizzy that Mo Xinglan stood up again and without saying a word, picked her up with a stern face and left the clan hall.

It was already dark outside, and there were dim lights as I walked along the way.

Neither of them spoke first.

Chujiu leaned quietly in Mo Xinglan's arms with his eyes closed. He was not asleep, but he just didn't know what to say.

I don't know how much time passed until I felt myself sitting on a soft surface before I opened my eyes. When I looked up, I found myself back in the bedroom.

Looking down, she saw Mo Xinglan squatting down and taking off her shoes.

After taking off her shoes, he helped her take off her thick coat and cape.

After taking off her heavy coat and cloak, she felt a lot more relaxed.

Then he put her on the bed.

After putting her on the bed, Mo Xinglan turned around, picked up a small white bottle from the shelf beside him, and returned to the bed.

He took off his shoes, got on the bed, and sat beside her. He reached out and carefully lifted her trouser legs up, revealing her snow-white skin. Her knees were already red.

Chujiu didn't stop him, nor did she say anything. She chose a comfortable position and leaned against the head of the bed, watching his every move.