flstandardbreds Chapter 161 (Non-love chapter update) But I'm back
Chapter 161 (Non-love chapter update) But I'm back
This is Axe Mimi. Thank you very much for your continued attention to this novel which has no traffic or attention.
Maybe you have noticed that I have been missing for a long time. There has been no update for about three or four months. I would like to say sorry to everyone here, and thank you very much for not hitting me through the Internet.
In August this year, I went abroad to study for a master's degree. It's not my favorite major, but it may be of great help to my "possible" future career.
You never thought of that, haha. I’m learning code. Although it’s not a computer science major, it’s a project similar to public policy data science, but it’s already a big step forward for me.
Because I hate the subjectivity that cannot be summarized in liberal arts majors and the excessive number of useless courses, I forced myself to take this step and have no intention of looking back and regretting it.
But in fact, every day here, I want to cry.
The people here are so powerful. To use Jiang Xuan's words, I'm probably not even a casual cultivator in the world. I'm just an ordinary person who can't be more ordinary, and I came to a place full of monsters and top geniuses.
And because I left home, there was no one behind me but myself.
I am suppressed every day, submitting answers full of mistakes over and over again, and I don’t know how to correct them. The clever and proud me of the past is gone.
It was obviously impossible to stay here and find a job, but I just refused to give up.
I don't want to admit that I am really worse than others, so I keep fighting, so I have no energy, so I lost the strength to write novels and also lost myself.
This is not the only platform I have. In fact, I also serialize stories in other places, and the results are quite good.
But this book was unexpectedly so confusing, just like my state when I first came to this strange place: confused, uneasy, unwilling, and exhausted to the extreme. I didn't have the energy to resist and could only blame myself.
Therefore, I subconsciously resisted turning on the computer and sitting down to face an outline of tens of thousands of words.
I was in so much pain, and this was not my original intention for writing this story.
Jiang Xuan is a character born out of attention and love. I gave her a lot of training. When I was going through a lot of instability, she also became increasingly blurred.
I always felt that she should be very positive, and perhaps she would be helpless towards someone as powerless and embarrassed as me. The strange sense of shame that an author feels when facing the character made me lose the strength to pick up the pen.
But it shouldn't be.
Jiang Xuan deserves to live. I believe that in some world, she is still alive, and perhaps still wondering why time suddenly stopped.
Whenever this thought comes into my mind, I feel a little heartbroken.
Now I have gradually adapted to the life here. I have this problem, I never admit defeat and I always push myself, but in Jiang Xuan's view, maybe it's not a big deal.
This is my hope, and I should continue writing.
I can hear her saying this to me.
Pain has been the biggest source of inspiration for my writing, so I should not be afraid of pain and discomfort.
Just like me sitting in front of the computer typing now, my mind is full of excitement about resuming updates, thinking that everyone is waiting for me, and that there is nothing behind me, but my carefully decorated little home.
I can knit, practice bass, and write to my heart's content in a room with a door that I can close.
In fact, I am already living my ideal life, isn't it?
The previous pain seemed to disappear in an instant.
I’ll tell you a secret. After adjusting my state of mind, I have already started organizing the outline and reviewing the plot.
Jiang Xuan’s story has not ended yet and will never end.
(There will be a Thanksgiving holiday next week, so please look forward to it~)